Dear Gabe,Did you know that adults ask almost as many questions as four year olds like you? They just keep them on the inside and often look for answers of their own. This Mama sure does. Earlier this week, you answered a question I ask a lot, and although you didn't know, God used you to speak so clearly to me. Your Mama worries TOO MUCH about what other people think. I've had to battle this my whole life, but recently I hadn't realized I've been in the foreground of that battle again, and losing... I wonder what everyone thinks - even you and your brother! After losing my temper, I worry, what will my boys think of me? Do they think I'm a mean mom? Will they only remember this side of childhood? Is there any chance they'll forget moments like this? When you're a grown man, remember this: When you ask questions to the wrong people, you get the wrong answers. But all questions are safe with God who listens and answers. And this time, He didn't even wait for me to ask before He intervened.
It was after dinner when another certain four year old was still finishing the last cold bites of his dinner (we love you, Z!). The rest of us were clearing the table and you, Gabe, a self-appointed helper, declared: "I'm the Daddy!"
Oh really? What do daddies do? I asked. This was in no way pointed, but more to fill time and slow you down from grabbing the dishes that were at my fingertips. But your response was so precious I grabbed the grocery list off the fridge, flipped it over and wrote as fast as I could everything you were saying. It wasn't until later when I read them again, that I realized God was speaking to me.
Here's what you had to say, in something like your four year old dialect:
Oh really? What do daddies do?
- Daddies love mommies and daddies love our children.
- Daddy love Mommy, and Mommy love Daddy!
- Daddy cook sometimes, for a treat.
- Go to work...
- Daddy make a plan with Mommy, and tell the children.
- And put the children in time-out.
- Share the sink...
- Daddy love to tickle Mommy
- Daddy play guitar to Mommy when I sleeping
<3 <3 <3 Wow, Gabe. These are some of my very favorite things about your Daddy, too. But whoa was I surprised that THESE are the things you remember and your takeaways from your role model Daddy. And as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I felt a stirring in my heart. How critical am I? Of myself, and in my assumption about the perspectives of others... What am I believing about my own identity? It escapes me that I am a child of a Holy God - only through adoption, but don't WE know that when an adoption is done, it is DONE. THAT sonship is the real deal. My all-knowing God tells me that He sees me as righteous - my sins washed away. Why the heck do I keep looking for affirmations of the dirt of my flesh and the fears in my heart? More importantly, when I'm wrestling with these questions apart from God, how much truth and life am I missing! Thanks little helper. This brings me back to Mommy's favorite verse right now, Psalm 116: Here is verse 7...
"Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."
