Let me tell you... (That's the way a miserably awkward forensics piece I once attempted all because I had a crush and wanted to feel cooler than I am, began. Miserably awkward, but a story for another day.) I do not fly by the seat of my pants. At least, not by choice. And yet, yes I do. (In fact, now that I think about it, my forensics category was... extemporaneous speaking. And sometimes I doubled in the category called, "Impromptu." I assure you, this is all irony at its best.)
I am a perfectionist. Type A. (Neat and capitalized, please.) I crave order. Perfection. Control. For things to be RIGHT! And over the last... (9?) years of my life, the Lord has gently been prying my little ghastly white fingers out of the tight grip that probably isn't good for them. (And yet, I'm holding on...) My idea of a success is when we see a need, begin with a plan, expound and execute said plan, and carry it out to the T. Hey, I can back this approach up; the drive for excellence is biblical! But... as with all things, when my need for control outweighs my dependency on the Lord, there's trouble amuck.
On my current docket is my full time band directing gig - the concerts, the trips, the jazz band and their dances, the 4,000 purchase orders, -oh, and turning absolute beginners into well-rounded musicians. Piano and voice lessons (a highlight of my day - I have some fabulous young worship leaders in the making), children's choir at church, our teen group "Jubilee," sons who are in Ethiopia waiting for their Mommy and Daddy to come and get them, and the concert (1 week from today) of some of my original songs, minus some musicians I wish I'd asked to join us 3 months ago ...and sometimes I try to blog. So these days, I am in the middle of organizing an event I wish I'd planned better when I am struck with a detail that will surely add to--a different event I have not thoroughly thought through. I'm bouncing back and forth. I'm multi-tasking. (Not my gift.) I'm putting everything I've got in. (To six different life categories.) And so, the honest truth may be that I can't really ace all of it at once. (Still, I'm trying. Real hard.)
Take, for instance, this concert that we are putting together. (A celebration of our adoption. A support raising event, and a lifelong dream of mine come true.) ...So you'd probably think that details on my end are pretty together, right? The concert in my hometown takes place a week from today. I have friends there who have bent over backwards - gone completely out of their way to take care of setup details, childcare, an unbelievable refreshment spread and decorations... And yet somehow I find myself waking up first thing in the morning with the realization that I never told the sound guy (who has volunteered his personal time/skills, by the way), that there will be a guitar. An easy fix, except that by the time I get out of bed and across the room, I've remembered 3 other long lost details, and forgotten the original one I set off across the room to take care of. Then that happens 5 more times before I'm on my way to work. (Oh, and on my way to work? I start writing a new song. And I feel sure, of course, that it is necessary for the concert in a week. WHY????) And so, things ARE coming together, but it feels like I'm flying... you've got it: by the seat of my pants. And that is NOT how I roll. And yet... yes, it is.
There is joy in knowing this is just a season. One ...or a hundred person(s) might have mentioned that "things only get busier when you have children." But not for this Momma. This Momma is maxing out the productive pieces of her life - enjoying them while she can, but pushing toward the goal line UNTIL she gets her sweet, sweet babies home. And then, everything else fades to the background. I may or may not do any of it. But I WILL have time to sit still with, and love on my boys. And that will be it. And I will plan our days out when I want to, and I will carry out said plans to the T... Or I might just let that whole perfection thing go, too.
This is just a season, and there's joy in knowing it.
I am a perfectionist. Type A. (Neat and capitalized, please.) I crave order. Perfection. Control. For things to be RIGHT! And over the last... (9?) years of my life, the Lord has gently been prying my little ghastly white fingers out of the tight grip that probably isn't good for them. (And yet, I'm holding on...) My idea of a success is when we see a need, begin with a plan, expound and execute said plan, and carry it out to the T. Hey, I can back this approach up; the drive for excellence is biblical! But... as with all things, when my need for control outweighs my dependency on the Lord, there's trouble amuck.
On my current docket is my full time band directing gig - the concerts, the trips, the jazz band and their dances, the 4,000 purchase orders, -oh, and turning absolute beginners into well-rounded musicians. Piano and voice lessons (a highlight of my day - I have some fabulous young worship leaders in the making), children's choir at church, our teen group "Jubilee," sons who are in Ethiopia waiting for their Mommy and Daddy to come and get them, and the concert (1 week from today) of some of my original songs, minus some musicians I wish I'd asked to join us 3 months ago ...and sometimes I try to blog. So these days, I am in the middle of organizing an event I wish I'd planned better when I am struck with a detail that will surely add to--a different event I have not thoroughly thought through. I'm bouncing back and forth. I'm multi-tasking. (Not my gift.) I'm putting everything I've got in. (To six different life categories.) And so, the honest truth may be that I can't really ace all of it at once. (Still, I'm trying. Real hard.)
Take, for instance, this concert that we are putting together. (A celebration of our adoption. A support raising event, and a lifelong dream of mine come true.) ...So you'd probably think that details on my end are pretty together, right? The concert in my hometown takes place a week from today. I have friends there who have bent over backwards - gone completely out of their way to take care of setup details, childcare, an unbelievable refreshment spread and decorations... And yet somehow I find myself waking up first thing in the morning with the realization that I never told the sound guy (who has volunteered his personal time/skills, by the way), that there will be a guitar. An easy fix, except that by the time I get out of bed and across the room, I've remembered 3 other long lost details, and forgotten the original one I set off across the room to take care of. Then that happens 5 more times before I'm on my way to work. (Oh, and on my way to work? I start writing a new song. And I feel sure, of course, that it is necessary for the concert in a week. WHY????) And so, things ARE coming together, but it feels like I'm flying... you've got it: by the seat of my pants. And that is NOT how I roll. And yet... yes, it is.
There is joy in knowing this is just a season. One ...or a hundred person(s) might have mentioned that "things only get busier when you have children." But not for this Momma. This Momma is maxing out the productive pieces of her life - enjoying them while she can, but pushing toward the goal line UNTIL she gets her sweet, sweet babies home. And then, everything else fades to the background. I may or may not do any of it. But I WILL have time to sit still with, and love on my boys. And that will be it. And I will plan our days out when I want to, and I will carry out said plans to the T... Or I might just let that whole perfection thing go, too.
This is just a season, and there's joy in knowing it.
