Monday, October 1, 2012

Streams of Consciousness...

Today was rainy, cloudy, coldish... just like it has felt and will feel in Ethiopia for this 2-3 month rain season.

My boys are probably in their crib. There's probably a nanny walking around, feeding another little one close by. I wonder if they're more aware of her, or of one another. I wonder if they're laying close enough to touch.

I wonder what things they've never seen or heard. If they ever go outside. If anyone reads to them. I know those sweet nannies pick them up and talk to them. I wonder if they flip the pages of the recordable book we sent so our boys can hear our voices.

I KNOW their little cheeks are pudgy and soft. So kissable. I wonder what the newest part of their world is... if they've noticed the colors of their crib, blanket, ceiling... If they perceive more of what they hear today than they did yesterday. I wonder what the first song they ever heard was.

I wonder if my heart can be any fuller. Hearts can be full of lots of things. Hearts don't explode. But, probably can't be any fuller? Maybe they just change from being full of hope, worry, excitement, to full of realized hope, different worries, more excitement...

I wonder how often my boys cry. I wonder what it sounds like.

I wonder how much of this I'll remember. If this season will just be some miserable little blur in our history, or if I'll look back and treasure what the Lord was doing inside of me in the months that felt like years before the LIFETIME with my boys began.

Sweet Jesus, be so near them today. Let them sense You in the sounds they hear, and in the details they're beginning to be able to appreciate. Let me love that You are with them while I am not. Thanks for making those little cheeks so pudgy, and those little toes so small. Thanks for being so tangibly close to me tonight.

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