Monday, July 30, 2012

I Am Wealthy

Part I: Therapy - One last baking spree in our first apartment. (June 14, 2012)

It's funny how fast we can run AWAY from the many evidences of God's faithfulness and provision. After consecutive days and days of blessing from the Lord, I found myself sitting in a little bank office, fighting back tears as a squirming adult man had to tell me that after the first amount for the line of credit we applied for was denied, the amount he assured me would be approved was also turned down - for some reason the max they would offer was a wopping 5k. (Maybe 1/5 of our adoption costs.) Just 15 minutes before, we were smiling. I was talking about our adoption, counting my blessings, and feeling knowledgeable about our financial options. Now, in the face of a little shock, I was sure there would be a follow up... a second option, a different direction, but... the news was grim. That was all we could possibly get from the bank. It didn't make sense. I reminded the banker that Cary and I have great credit scores, we paid a huge amount of college loans off in 3 years... Then he calmly listed off the MANY things Cary and I do NOT have. I felt small, and dumb for having applied (twice) for credit that was apparently so beyond our means, and I left (in a bit of a fury - darn my fiery flesh) fighting tears and overwhelming feelings of defeat. It seemed too early to hit such a big financial obstacle. And hearing "no" from the bank is SO big! I felt crushed.

After hours of phone counsel, and venting, and crying, I felt empty of it all... and suddenly could think of nothing but being busy and productive. So I went on a cleaning craze, raided the cabinets, and decided this apartment and I would have one more good round of amazing output. Baking spree = therapy.

I planned to watch a mind-numbing tv show while I baked - the distraction welcomed, but I couldn't turn off the Jon Foreman song I was listening to, and then the Switchfoot song that came next on the playlist... Instead of vegging out, I found my mind repeating some of these wonderful truths over and over, and at the end of those... several... hours, I had a worthwhile product (pic below) and a renewed heart.

                                               "We were meant to live for so much more."
                                             "We want more than this world's got to offer."
        "Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Salvation is HERE."
                                  "I am the second man now - You're raising the dead in me."

Part II - I Am Wealthy (July 27, 2012)

By the American standard, Cary and I don't have a lot of things. After spending some time thinking about this, I am blown away by how much the world says we DON'T have. (Given, they're technically right).

-Cary and I don't have a house. (Or savings to get one.)
-We don't have 6 months savings in the bank. (Or 3.)
-We don't have fabulous health insurance, or a medical savings fund.
-We don't have a guaranteed residence, or a prettified nursery (although I love to dream of what ours would look like if we did.)

Here's what we do have:
-A call. (God called us to start a family through adoption - we heard it loud and clear.)
-A home. (Sure, it's a fluid concept - we're living in a friend's home and when it sells we'll be renting a place we have yet to find...)
-Food to eat. (Good food, too. I can cook, and love to, and the food we have is above and beyond what we need to survive.)
-Joy. (Abundant, constant, unfailing joy - enough to share with a child - or TWO we've discovered.)
-Love. (Flowing from an unfailing source. Enough to sustain our relationship, and enough to share with our two beautiful boys.)

And that makes us wealthy.

After days of reflecting on being looked in the face and told I don't have enough to justify being trusted with more, I feel more strongly than ever, that despite what I don't have, I have MORE than enough. Enough to share. I have been blessed with abundantly more than I need. I can live without everything on the first list. By God's grace I can say the things that matter are the things that I have. I. Am. Wealthy.

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