Wednesday, September 5, 2012


Adoption and pregnancy are really similar in some ways, but this week I've been stuck in the differences. My boys are out there in the world, and there's not a thing I can do to reach out and shape the way their concept of the world is developing. This week, all that I can't do for them has been so tangible, which brings on the lowest of the lows... like this morning.

I can't stop singing to my boys. For my boys. Always singing. And it's doing nothing for them. When you're carrying a baby, research shows that they're impacted by what they hear and feel. It's a beautiful, bonding thing. It must feel good to be doing something you love and to know at the same time you're serving the little person you've never held but care most about already. I love singing songs for my babies. This JJ Heller album "When I'm With You," is just killing me - it's always stuck in my head, and my maternal heart is just gushing song. But they don't know. They can't hear or feel it. So when I sing for them, the best thing I can do is trust that the Lord is preparing my heart, and working through the sounds and feelings I have. At best, I can be sure of Zephaniah 3:17 - My God, who is ever present with my boys, is rejoicing over them like the scripture says - "with singing."

Still, I'm wrestling hard.

1 comment:

  1. aww sweet friend- I know that God has given you such a love for music and I KNOW that God will use your voice to soothe your boys for MANY MANY nights and years to come. Praying He bridges the distance gap for you and them tonight- and that He supernaturally allows them to feel at home when they do get to hear your songs of love over them~